Phil Coulson: Captain America's Spokeperson Extraordinaire
by sudoku
Summary: Steve had just discovered that there was a fan club dedicated to him and he was supposed to attend the first meeting this afternoon. What hilarity could ensue?


_Thanks to the awesome Irish-Brigid to beta this chapter for me._

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Steve was drawing peacefully at the Avengers' Tower common room when Tony barged in. He walked to the fridge and swore when he saw all the healthy grocery in the fridge.

"Cap, how could you eat all this green stuff? JARVIS, please order the pizza for me, the usual, please."

"The usual, Sir? What about your cholesterol level?"

"Did I pay you to become my health adviser?"

"No, Sir, you've never paid me, but you indeed appointed me as your health adviser."

"Really? When did I do that?" Tony crinkled his forehead in confusion.

"August 19, 2009 at 3.27 pm, Sir. You said, 'JARVIS, it wouldn't be funny if the Iron Man got killed by a heart attack rather than by a supervillain. I now appoint you as my health adviser.' I've advised you ever since but it doesn't matter since you always ignore me anyway." Steve must have imagined JARVIS' hurt tone.

"It's funny that I don't remember that."

"With all due respect, Sir. You don't even remember what you had for dinner last night."

Tony grinned. "True, JARVIS, this mind is designed for great invention, not trivial matters like what's for dinner. That's Capsicle's problem."

"Thanks, Tony. I'd rather worry about your dinner than fighting Hydra." Steve wished he could blame his sarcasm after getting to know Tony but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Bucky was to blame too.

"That's why you were appointed as the leader of the Avengers." He rubbed his hands in excitement. "How do you feel about becoming the guest of honor for Captain America: The First Avenger Fan Club?"

"I beg your pardon. What did you say? What club?"

"Captain America: The First Avenger Fan Club. Don't tell me you haven't heard of it."

"I haven't heard of it. What's that about?"

"It's a fan club about you."

"What's a fan club?"

"You haven't heard about fan clubs?! Where have you been the last thirty years?" Tony noticed Steve's confused look then he realized his mistake. "Never mind, forget that I ever mentioned it. If you don't know about fan clubs, knowing it first hand is the best. It's the best thing to ever happen to me, I should know because I have around fifty fan clubs dedicated to me."

"How do you manage to have so many clubs? Aren't you busy with the Avengers' business plus Stark Industry?"

"Delegation of course. Are you kidding me? Visiting my fan club is the best way to meet new chicks. The chicks that actually like me and feel honored if I bang them. The chance of getting slapped is minimum, although there was one time in Portland…"

"Tony…, don't use language that is not appropriate in the presence of a lady. Besides, you are with Ms Potts now."

"Don't worry, it was in the past. What lady? There are only the two of us, so no delicate ear to worry about, OK, perhaps JARVIS."

"I take offense to that, Sir."

"Your offense is ignored, JARVIS. Anyway, the fan club is the place where all your fans meet periodically to get to know each other, to swap their latest info about the object of their obsession, which for your fan club is you."

Steve pinkened. "Thanks a lot, Tony."

Tony, who was oblivious to Steve's discomfort, continued, "The club also sells some memorabilia, usually signed by their object of obsession."

"What kind of memorabilia?"

"Can be anything, really. For the Iron Man's club, there are lunch boxes, T-shirts, Stark Pads." Steve slightly shook his head. Tony raised his hands, "Hey, I may as well sell my products with Iron Man logos, it's all for Pepper's sake as she said I had never cared for Stark Industry. There are also a whole range of men's toiletries, bedding, and cooking utensils." Tony shuddered at the last item. "Some crazy fans… Hey, don't look so shocked. Yes, there are people crazier than me. Some of them come up with more intimate items like lingerie, underwear, swim trunks, and other stuffs not suitable to be heard by you."

Steve's face had gone from carnation pink to tomato read in one split second. "They do that?!"

"I'm sure Coulson is more sensible than those fans."

"Coulson?"

"Oh, don't you know? Coulson is the founder, president, and spoke person for your fan club."

Steve stared at Tony disbelievingly. "Coulson is a high ranking S.H.I.E.L.D agent. He wouldn't have time for such trivial matters."

"Cap, people always have time for their hobbies. Trust me. Pepper says I spend too much time on hobbies than actual work. You can just attend the meeting this afternoon to prove it."

"How come Coulson never informed me about this?"

"I wonder why. Perhaps he wants to give you a pleasant surprise. He's asked all of us to contribute. That's the least we can do for our fearless leader. Even Director Fury and Deputy Director Maria Hill helped."

Steve wasn't sure he liked the sound of that especially if Tony and Clint were involved. "What kind of contribution?"

Tony winked at him. "Why don't you come and find out? Don't worry, it'll possibly be very boring because Coulson organizes it. I've sent you a few links about what's involved in a fan club so you will be mentally prepared. Good luck! I've got to fix my Mark 21."

Steve opened his email to read the links. He had charged to Hydra's bases alone. As intimidating as the fan club sounded, there were worse things in life like being frozen for 70 years. He could face this.

_To be continued..._

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**Note:**

-I blame this fic idea on Unknownnobody32, I really should stop talking to people in the same fandom to avoid ending up with more prompts. LOL.

-Can you give me suggestion about how Coulson runs the club and what are the contributions of the other Avengers?

-I hope I can update Discovering Fanfiction in January.


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